Heaven Was Needing A Hero
by Josie Gibbons
Summary: songfic to the song "heaven was needing a hero" basically george talks to fred a week after the battle of hogwarts, its kind of sad. suggested fredxgeorge. one shot


Song fic to the Song "Heaven was Needing a Hero" by someone who I cant remember. Basically George talks to Fred a week after he's died, as he sits and thinks back over things. Its kind of sad, with a weird ending. I tried to follow the plot of the song but got distracted quite a bit. I quite like this piece, its one of the longest i've done in a long time and its come out okay.

Disclaimer: I dont own harry potter, that belongs to JK Rowling, and I dont own the song either, but I cant remember who it belongs too. I do however, recommend you youtube it

In a dark room, a young man sits. The room is silent, no music plays, and this in itself is enough to know that something isn't as it should be. After all, this is a man for whom silence is alien, the idea of living without some form of noise or bustle was always a huge fear. And yet here he sits, in silence, staring at the wall and remembering, just remembering. And as he remembers, he begins to sing and talk, spilling his thoughts and fears to the world. But more than to the world, he is spilling them to one person, the one person he knows is always listening, no matter how far away they are. And its to that person he talks and sings, and its that person who is on his mind, its for him and him alone that he's sitting silently, without a sound around him. Its for him that he's still there in that house, still living his life. Its for him that he wakes up in the morning and goes to work, keeping their shop alive even though such a huge part of it is gone, and its for him, only for him, that he takes deep gulping breaths to hold himself together, and begins to sing.

I came by today to see you  
I just had to let you know  
If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time  
I'd have held you, and never let go

His eyes float up to the ceiling as he sings, and as he finishes the first part of the song he begins to speak. He speaks of their last moments together, those last few seconds, and what it meant to him, what it always will mean.

"Oh Fred, my dearest brother, I cant believe you've really gone. I cant believe that just a few days ago we were laughing and joking, having the time of our lives planning what we were going to do with the shop next. I cant believe that only three days ago you were here in my arms, and I let you go. I don't think I'll ever forget our last day together, those last few hours we spent in each others company, when we snuck away from the others to spend those few precious moments together. I think at the time we both knew the possibilities of one of us continuing without the other, and we needed to be sure that we both knew the truth about our feelings for each other, so that if anything happened we would have that to hold onto, that promise. And, my dearest, I honestly thought it would be me who would go. And we revealed our truths to each other, the truth about our feelings, because even if we both pulled through, it was time we knew the truth, we would be able to deal. And I told you I loved you, that you were the only person I'd ever loved, and you said the same. And at that moment, with the sounds of the castle preparing for battle and your lips on mine, I honestly thought that I was in heaven. I thought you'd be okay and you'd have your life ahead of you. After all, I've already lost an ear, I'm damaged stock, you were a new person, perfectly well, ready to face your life my brother. And if, if I'd have known that it was going to be you, I would have never let you go. And that IS a fact, I would have refused to let go of you, not for an instant. I would have kept you there, down one of our secret passageways, and not let you out of my site until the battle was done. Because Fred, loosing you, its destroyed me. And all I can think is simple. If I hadn't let you go you wouldn't be gone, you'd still be with me. I wouldn't have lost you."

Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering  
I lie in the dark, just asking why  
I've always been told  
You won't be called home  
Until it's your time

He sighs as he sings, and leans back so his head is resting on the pillows, his face turned to the twin bed opposite him, tears running down his cheeks. And he thinks about the past few days, and how his life has gone, and how hard it is to accept what has gone.

"I haven't slept since you left me, Fred. I haven't been able to settle down. Even after the battle, when everyone else was destroyed physically and mentally, and just passed out where they were sitting, in corners and on the hallways, I couldn't sleep. I wandered the castle for hours, brother, not speaking, not making a sound, just looking at all the destruction that had taken place. Our beautiful home wasn't beautiful any more darling, at least not in the sense it was when we were there. It had changed, even before the battle we'd both said it, and after the battle, walking through, it was more obvious than ever what was lost. It wasn't the physical as much as the mental what really hit me, dearest. It was the fact that you weren't there, and it was noticeable, and it was the fact that so many parts of Hogwarts that should have been there weren't. I never really understood while we were there what people meant when they said that Hogwarts was the people not the place, but now I do my brother. And even nearly a week after your gone, I haven't slept. I only left the castle today, because I needed to come home and see our room, and make a start on things, get the shop back up and running. But all I can think, every second of every day, is that your not there. I walk into the room and I expect to see you there, I wake in the night and I expect to see you lying across from me in your bed, just watching me. And its those little things which really hit me darling, and make me realise that you're gone, that you'll never be here any more. But the really scary thing is, I know that you wanted to go then. Well, maybe not wanted to go then, but when it came to it you were ready. It was your time, and you would have hated to go down without a fight. It just wasn't you. But I miss you so much, and I love you so much, with all my heart. Always have and always will."

I guess heaven was needing a hero  
Somebody just like you  
Brave enough to stand up  
For what you believe  
And follow it through  
When I try to make it make sense in my mind  
The only conclusion I come to  
Is heaven was needing a hero  
Like you

George sits up, rubbing the tears from his eyes angrily. He appears to be disgusted with himself, but just by looking into his eyes the pain he carries is clear. And after all, how could he not be in pain after what he's lost. Grunting furiously at himself, he begins to talk again.

"You were a fucking amazing person Fred, and I can't believe you've left me like this. I need you so much, but you just couldn't see it. I've always needed you, always. You were the only person I ever really needed, and yet I didn't tell you until it was too late, until just hours before you died. And then, then you were gone and you weren't coming back, and its that what hurts you the most. I guess the only thing I can really be grateful for at this point is that I got as long as I did with you, that I had you here for as long as I did. Nineteen years isn't a short amount of time, and I guess its someone else's turn now. Other people needed you too, though maybe not as much as I did. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself now you're not here. I know that you were needed elsewhere, that's what everyone keeps telling me anyway. But damn it Fred, I fucking needed you. I still do. You were the only person who was always there for me, always understood me. You were my bloody brother and so much more. And now, now I don't have you. I've got no one to talk to, no one to joke with, no one who gets me the same way you do. Its killing me. So much. But I know I cant sleep, and can't die either. Because if I die then there wont be anyone left to continue the shop, to continue your life's work. And that's what keeps me going, my dearest brother, the fact that I'm doing it for you. The fact that by keeping going (no matter how hard it is) I'm keeping a bit of you alive by doing this, by keeping going. By holding on to what's left. And the shop is all there is left of you now. And its your home, it always was. And that's why I'm still here, even though it hurts so much. Because I need to be close to you, and being close to you means being back in the shop. Back in our room, even though your beds empty. I've not changed it darling, not even changed your sheets. Last night I lay down there, spent the night just lying there staring at the ceiling, because I needed to be closer to you. And lying there, on your bed, it was almost like you hadn't been called away. I could still smell you around me, and I'll admit I cried. I cried so much, because you weren't there. I could smell you, see you, sense you, but I couldn't touch you. And damn it Fred, I hate it. I hate not having you here. I miss you."

I remember the last time I saw you  
Oh, you held your head up proud I laughed inside  
When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd  
Your such a part of who I am  
Now that part will just be void  
No matter how much I need you now  
Heaven needed you more

George stands, and without thinking begins to pace around the room, picking up random items and then setting them down again after staring at them for several seconds. He can't seem to settle, and as he paces he speaks again.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you Fred, you were such a huge part of me. You were such a strong character, such a vibrant person. And now you're nothing. Now you're not there. And its killing me so much, it hurts so much. Just walking around this room alone, let alone the rest of the flat, its full of you. And it destroys me. All those memories, all those things we used to do together. There was never a dull moment with you by my side. Hell, we were Gred and Forge, we made things. And by things I don't just mean physical objects, I mean we made everything seem right. We were the legends of Hogwarts darling, the way we left. And that was just a small part of you, that one incident. You were always like that, always so full of life. I was always the quieter of us, while you were in the spotlight and dragged me along. And you loved it, you loved to be the centre of attention, you loved to be what everyone was talking about, what everyone was looking at. And me, being your twin, was dragged along for the ride, because I couldn't survive without you. I would have been nothing without you, dearest, and I think I'll be nothing without you again. You were always there, always making people laugh. We shared a reputation as the jokers, but you were the real joker. I just followed by what you were doing, and so got to share in your glory. And glory was what you had, because you made it so. You were insane, but it was most definatly a good thing. That last time, the last time we were together as just us, I don't think I'll ever forget it or the words you told me. You said "George, I don't care if its wrong. I don't care if we'll be hated for it. I fucking love you. I have done for ages. And when we both come out of this I'm going to make sure the world knows." But we never did both come out of it, and I'm left to deal all on my own. I'm left to cope with all this stuff when I shouldn't have to. But I will, for you. I remember the last time I set eyes on you, the last time I saw you before you were just another body in the great hall (but never just a body to me, always my brother). You were in the middle of a fight, but you were still laughing. You thought it was great, you knew you were doing the right thing, and you knew that it would mean something. And you didn't expect to be hit by that curse, but you were still laughing as your skin went cold. You knew that we were doing wrong by killing people but you were proud because we were fighting for the right side, and because Percy was too. You were so proud, so proud to be fighting for what we both believed in so much. And you stood out for that, because in that whole battle, in that whole war we were fighting, you were the only person who could still be laughing. Even when it looked like everything was going down hill you were still starting. I wanted to do something for Harry, Ron and Hermione, but it was your brains that set up potterwatch, your mind which created it, and you who were still there to laugh through even the worse times. And you were so proud of that show, you and Lee, it was your child. And I, I'm proud of you too. I'm proud that you did it, that you did everything you did. But mostly I'm proud that I got to call you my brother, and even if only for a few hours, my lover."

Cause heaven was needing a hero  
Somebody just like you  
Brave enough to stand up  
For what you believe  
And follow it through  
When I try to make it make sense in my mind  
The only conclusion I come to  
Is heaven was needing a hero  
Like you

George sits again, and resting his head in his hands, he speaks for the last time, and in this last time he spills it all, all his deepest thoughts, and his plans for the future. His everything. And when he finishes, he lays down his head and closes his eyes, and sleeps for the first time in a week, for the first time since he said goodbye to the man who was his world.

"Oh brother, I don't know what to do or think any more. I don't know what reason there is for me in life, except to keep you going, to keep your memories alive. I don't know how I can ever laugh again, ever even think about laughing again, when there's no you there to make it worth my while. I don't know that I'll ever forget or move on from what happened to you, from your loss. And the thing is, darling, I don't think I really even want to. How could I even think about living my life without you a part of it, without you there next to me. And now the stark reality of it is that I've had to, I've had to accept that its over, there is no more Gred and Forge, there's just George. Just George. And I'm so scared my darling, I'm so scared to go through life without you, so scared that I'll mess up everything you worked so hard to create. I'm terrified that I'm going to disappoint you in some way, or in many ways. And I don't want that, not ever. I want the time we meet again to be amazing, because I did what you wanted. Because there's no disappointment between us, because you don't think I made any bad decisions in my life. I just don't get why you had to go when you did, my Fred. I don't get how the world can be so harsh as to take you from me like that. I just don't understand, even though others seem to. I guess everyone else has experienced a close death before. Ron and Hermione were close to Sirius and really felt his loss. And while I really cared for the bloke I always had you with me. And Harry's lost everyone who he's ever really cared about in his life. His parents, then Sirius, then Dumbledore, then Lupin, and I think he's sort of immune to it by now. If not immune then he just doesn't let it touch him. But me, I've never done it before. People I've known have died, but I've always had you by my side to pick up the pieces. I've always known that I'd be okay because you were there. But now you're not. I've lost the one person who might make this easier for me. And you're never coming back. And it's destroying me, its hurting me so much. It just really really doesn't make sense to me any more. I love you so much, and I always will. And I know that. I think I've known it my whole life, that we were more than just brothers, but I was afraid to say anything. And I hate it. I wish I'd told you right from day one when I first realised what it meant. I was thirteen, and I wasted six whole years of our lives hiding the truth from you, from myself. Its the only thing I never told you. And the one thing I really should have told you, should never have hidden from you. I want you back so much, so I can hold you again. So I can look into your eyes and tell you I love you. So I can feel your lips on mine once more, your skin against mine. Its so unfair, Fred, that we only had such a short time together like that, only half an hour to really tell each other what we felt, to show each other that we loved each other. And I regret it, its one of my two greatest regrets in life that we didn't have longer together. My other regret, the biggest of my life by far, is that it was you who died. It should have been me standing there when that curse hit, it should have been me, the damaged goods, who died. It shouldn't have been you, when you had a full and wholesome body, when you had your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you wanted with. What am I now, Fred? I'll tell you what I am. I'm a broken cripple, a cripple who's heard is broken beyond repair and will never be mended, not by anything. Because even if in the future I find a woman who wants to marry me, it will never be the same. Oh I'll try to love her, for her sake and mums sake, but she'll never be you. She'll never be the man I love, the man who will always be my lifeline, no matter how far we go. I'm not going to talk again, Fred, because... well I don't know why really. But all this, spilling my guts like this, its more than I've ever said in my life. You were always the one of us who spoke, although no one really noticed it. I was always more quiet, but people assumed I was loud too because I was always with you, and we were seen as one person. I guess in a sense we were one person,in every way that mattered anyway. One soul, split into two bodies. Like Voldemort with his Horcruxes, but for us it wasn't a bad thing. It was perfect. We were one person, doing what we needed. And you will always be a part of me in that sense. But I feel, my brother, that I've lost too much. I'm not going to talk again, because you were the part of us who spoke, and because I've said all I needed to say tonight talking to you. I know I'll probably find it hard for a few weeks to communicate, but I've got my wand in my hand, and I'm ready to do what I need to do to remove my voicebox. It seems fitting, I think, that you would be the last person I speak to. My first, and last, and everything in between. Goodbye my love, goodbye my lifeline, my Fred. I love you.

Is Heaven was needing a hero and that's you


End file.
